National Lampoons Chess Maniac Five Billion and One

Simulation 1993 Dos Microprose Chess

Dire attempt at a humorous chess sim

Anyone looking for a serious chess sim like Colossus Chess or even Battle Chess would be well advised to steer clear of this supposedly humorous take on the genre. It attempts to mix puerile humour with the classic game of chess but unless you have the sense of humour of a six year old boy, it fails on both counts. The basic game is of course the same as every other chess sim out there, so the rules and requirements for victory should need no introduction. However, what this game tries to do to make it stand out is introduce amusing animations and cutscenes for when pieces take one another, while your computer opponent will also try to distract you with similarly witty taunts and will even steal your pieces if you let it. Victory rewards you with nothing more than another attempt at bawdy humour but which, like all the other attempts, falls flat and it is likely players will be embarrassed rather than amused by such puerile efforts. On pretty much every level, this is a shocking failure. As a chess game, there is no challenge to be had here, with poor enemy AI that doesn't even put up a fight and which is only really suited to total newcomers. As mentioned, the humour is only likely to appeal to a very special class of person and they are unlikely to be playing chess anyway, making the whole thing rather pointless. The constant witticisms offered by the computer are anything but and the whole thing never rises above the kind of crudity that went out of fashion decades ago. Visually, the game is equally unappealing and really it is best avoided by just about everyone.

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